Overthinking kills

Set up the mood. Push the play button. :} Its Candices Accolas Hard to Say Goodbye. I just love the Chevrolet part. 

When you finally realized youre not that perfect daughter that adults love..
When you seem not to care if everything does not go your way..
When you see people who start to care for you the way that they shouldnt..
When you talk to your friends and liberating yourself in the process..
When you drink beer and get that temporary high more than once a week..
When you sip and chew on chocolate chips from your Starbucks frap afterwards..
When people, strangers or friends, have been telling you that they missed your posts..
When someone encourages you to do something you love..
When you start to open yourself to someone for the first time..
When you finally get to hear things that you dont want to hear..
When you screw up for the first time in your life..
When someone finally thinks youre dumb and shallow..
When wrong emotions have become comforting thoughts..
When ambivalence starts to be your reason to proceed with your day..
When you finally build up the courage to let go of something that meant the world to you before..
When strong emotions have turned into faint sirens..
When youre pushed to go into a direction that seems uncomfortable..
When you have liberated your spirit and kept up with the flow..
When you dont have the slightest idea of what to do in your life..
When you have offered and got rejected..
When you are trying to keep things the way they were..
When you tried to preserve yourself instead of doing the usual thing..
And you have lost all strong feelings in the process of doing so..
When youre trying to move on while in the relationship..
When you realize that you can live without it..
When youd rather be happy than successful..
When you want something that you shouldnt want in the first place..
When it seems that youre becoming into someone that you yourself dislikes..
When it feels so good when its all wrong..
When giving in is easier than refraining..
When you realize how easy it is for you to give something great up..
When you know that it could be a source of major conflicts in your life..
When you dont feel any trace of guilt anymore..
When you hear things that youd love to hear, but youre not sure whether theyre really true..
When other people think its normal for you to feel that way, or at least you make yourself believe that they want to plant that thought in your head..
When everyone else notices it..
And you just dont care..

Its when you realize that youre human after all..
That youre different from the way you used to be,
from someone that people wants you to be,
from someone so perfect and uptight..

And that this way, youre way happier,
though youre dumber and lazier..
Youre actually more alive..
And youre not broken anymore..
Because you dont allow yourself to be..

And that you try new things for yourself..
And that ending something could have been the right thing to do..
Years ago..
That you didnt have to wait this long
for you to be free from useless hurt and hopes..

Sometimes, it is during youre ugliest, laziest and dumbest,
that you learn to love yourself, and give yourself
the things that you yourself deserve, even though
it means letting go of all the usual, comfortable things.

{When people (you know in real life) read this and you just dont care what thoughts would form in their heads after reading this.}

Post Script. I am okay! Theyre just the thoughts that currently occupies my gooey brain. Nothing to worry about. Didnt mean to be emo, whatsoever. :}

One thought on “Overthinking kills

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